think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
