these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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