I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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