Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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