No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
