no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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