According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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