Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
