Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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