i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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