it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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