the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
