She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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