he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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