That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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