I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
