Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
