im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
