I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
high people should be assigned attendants
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
