It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
