dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
