I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Farmville is her only friend.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
