I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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