HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
