are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
