hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
