While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
