Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
