just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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