I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
