Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
