i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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