He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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