He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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