I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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