I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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