So drunk its hurt
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
