mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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