remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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