Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
