Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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