Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
