my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
