Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
