Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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