Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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