The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
