our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
