Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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