The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
