don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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