Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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