alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
